


The Last Straw- contains spoilers

by katiebour



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Angst, F/M, Murder, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-12
Updated: 2011-05-12
Packaged: 2017-10-20 18:28:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/215809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katiebour/pseuds/katiebour
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kit would never send Anders on that final journey alone.</p><p>So- yeah. I had to write this, because I realized that's what she would have done, had she been forced to kill him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Last Straw- contains spoilers

Kit stared at her lover as he sat, still as stone, waiting for her recriminations.

"There's nothing you can say that I haven't already said to myself," he said with anguish. "I took a spirit into my soul and changed myself forever to achieve this. This is the justice all mages have awaited."

Kit wanted to weep, to rage at him. Her gentle Anders, the man who cured the sick, who stood for freedom, a guardian of the oppressed, had done this. This was the man who tickled her in bed, who made gentle love to her in front of the fireplace at home, the person who shared her life. Only yesterday they'd enjoyed dinner at home, quiet conversations, loving looks, and had curled up together on the sofa with one of Varric's terrible books.

Anders had done this? _No, this was Justice._ "Did that spirit tell you to do this?"

"No," Anders replied, voice full of defiance and despair. " When we merged, he ceased to be. We are one now, love."

Kit didn't believe it for a moment. Justice had warped her beloved mage, had used him for the spirit's twisted idea of vengeance.

Anders continued, desperately, as if he could somehow make her understand this. "I could no more ignore the injustice of the Circle than he could. You don't understand, sweetheart, you didn't live there. You didn't see how it is. But isn't what you've seen in Kirkwall enough? Haven't we seen enough Tranquil mages, enough abusive templars, had enough of Meredith's paranoia?"

Kit swallowed convulsively, fighting back the urge to cry, her chest tight with suppressed tension. "But, Anders," she said, brokenly, "The Chantry. The innocent sisters and brothers- all of the people in Kirkwall who have died or who will die because of what you've done." She looked at him, as desperately miserable as herself, and whispered, "We could have talked about this. I can't condone what you've done, completely, but I might have understood your feelings, if you'd only told me." She bit back a sob. "If only you'd trusted me."

"You'd condone this-" Sebastian's voice was full of disbelief, and she whirled on him.

"No, Sebastian. No. I don't condone the murder of innocents. I wanted, wanted to find a better way." He looked at her, his grief setting hard lines in his face, as Kit met his eyes, pleadingly. "I know we don't always agree, Sebastian- I'm no Chantry devotee. But I believe your intentions, and Elthina's intentions, were always to avoid hurting others. But-"

She stumbled over her words, not knowing what to say, and turned back to Anders, the red-gold of his hair beginning to be blanketed by the fine layer of powder and dust that was settling over the city.

She asked him, throat tight with misery, "How could you lie to me? How could you do this, to us?"

"I wanted to tell you!" Anders burst out. "But what if you had stopped me... or worse, what if you had wanted to help?" He paused, then continued, "I couldn't do that. I couldn't make you part of this."

He changed tone, then, picking up his familiar refrain: "The world needs to see this. Then we can all stop pretending that the Circle is a solution-"

"Enough!" Kit nearly shouted at him. "I don't care about the politics! Damn you, Anders, I care about you. About _us_."

He put his head in his hands. "I know," came his muffled reply. "And I love you. You stood by me when I gave you every reason to turn away. You are the most important thing in my life, love- but some things matter more than my life- more than either of us."

"I love you, Anders," Kit said, roughly. "And you're wrong. There's nothing more important than love. After Mother died-" her voice wavered, and she trailed off, fighting for control. "After Mother died, you were the only reason I wanted to wake up in the morning. Seeing you, talking with you, being with you, loving you- you can't throw that away, Anders, no matter what Justice thinks."

"I told you I would break your heart," he said, head still in his hands, "Know that it breaks mine to do it." He looked up at her then, brown eyes filled with unspeakable sadness, and said, "You were the one shining light in my life. Whatever happens, I want you to know that."

He held her gaze, eyes begging her to understand, and said, "What's done is done, and now every mage in Thedas will have a chance at freedom. And if I pay for that with my life, then I pay. Perhaps then Justice will at least be free."

"We could have had a future, Anders- a home, children-" Anders closed his eyes at her words- "even another Blighted cat," Kit said, brokenly.

"I had to," he whispered. "I had to fight for a world where your children, our children, could be born mages and free. Ten years- a hundred years from now, someone like me will love-" his voice broke off- "someone like you, and there will be no Templars to tear them apart. I want that for you, sweetheart."

Fenris stepped forward, a low growl in his throat. "If you will not kill him, Hawke, I will."

Sebastian stood off to the side, his face suffused with righteous fury. "This abomination has to die, Hawke. He's murdered hundreds of innocent people. You _cannot_ let him walk free."

" _NO!_ " Kit screamed, stepping in front of Fenris. "You cannot take him from me!"

Aveline stepped forward, her face etched with sorrow. "We cannot excuse this, Hawke. You know it as well as I do."

From behind her, Anders said quietly, to the group at large, "Whatever you do- just do it."

Kit keened in her throat.

Anders continued, almost calmly: "I have to pay for what I've done, love, and the sooner I die, the sooner my name lives on to inspire generations. I've was born to do this."

Kit looked at her three adamant companions, Isabela, Varric, and Merrill standing back, the dust from the Chantry and the smoke from the fires coating everyone in grey.

Kit came to a sudden decision, and walked over to Sebastian. "Do you have a knife?" she asked, quietly, and the man pulled the elegant dagger with the Starkhaven crest from his belt, handing it to her. Kit turned to Isabela, and said, softly, "Do you have some of that magebane poison? It'll make things quicker, and that way he can't heal."

'Bela pulled a small vial from her belt and handed it over, sadness writ on her face. "You don't have to do this," the rogue said, softly. "At the very least, let Fenris-" Kit was shaking her head. "No, 'Bela."

She turned to them all, looked each of them in the eye, then said, firmly, "Can you give me ten minutes, please?"

Each of her companions met her eyes, and slowly, they withdrew to the perimeter, their turned backs and distance granting privacy.

"...for what it's worth, I'm glad it's you," Anders said in the sudden quiet. Kit unstoppered the poison, carefully coating it on the blade. "I was so happy with you, love." The silence stretched out behind him, then he heard her let out a soft, sad whimper. "Please, don't cry, sweetheart," he said, softly, and her arms came around him as he closed his eyes, waiting for her to strike.

He felt the bite of the knife against his wrist, and gasped as the poison stilled his mana within him, warm, red blood welling to the surface, beginning to drip. But there was so much blood- too much-

He opened his eyes to see her arms around him, bloodied from wrist to elbow, the flesh paling as she began to shake against him. He moaned, thickly, realization coming too late, as she dragged the blade along his other arm. He reached for his mana, mind screaming, _no, no, love_ , his mouth already powerless to speak, the potent poison crippling him.

They fell to the ground together, blood mingling and pooling. He struggled, turned to face her, and she smiled weakly at him. _There's nothing more important than love_ , her eyes said, and as their lives ebbed away, they heard the shouts, the footsteps as their companions and friends ran to the prone Hawke. With the last of her strength, she pulled him into her arms, refusing to be carried away, _It's too late_ echoing through the air in Varric's voice.

Golden eyes met warm brown, and they faded off, together. The last thing Anders remembers is her smile, that first night, as she'd said to him, _I want you right here, beside me, until the day we die. Don't ever leave, Anders._

He never did.


End file.
